The images below show my first draft of my script idea; the script has a range of notes all over it, to help produce my second draft. Taking into consideration all the information it is clear that I, ideally, need to be more visual in my short film. Becky Knapp came back to our school to give us help on the basic ideas of writing a script, with this in mind Becky read all of our class scripts and gave us a lot of feedback on how we can improve or alter our ideas.
After getting the class to read my script I was intrigued to know their opinions, with this in mind I jotted down any thought provoking ideas that will ultimately benefit me. Clearly the main problem with my script is its initial format and structure, those points can easily be mended and I assure I will do so in my forthcoming draft. I seem to have a problem that I have too much dialogue with no specific moral dilemma. After listening to everyone’s comments, including Becky’s I came to the conclusion that I need to twist my story ever so slightly for it to have more of an affect. By doing so, I plan on making my short film more realistic by having both characters been “friends via the computer” before hand. This will then develop their relationship and as the plot develops it doesn’t become so predictable. This will hopefully have a better reaction from audiences. With my first draft script I found myself convincing not only myself that my ideas would work, but also the people around me. With this being a problem, it was clear that amending my script and plot ever so slightly can only but benefit me.
The image below is a new diagram showing the tracking of the events that are going to take place in my short film. As you can see I have altered the structure of my short film, hoping that it will eventually make the ending less conventional for audiences. My main aim is that the girls confine in each other and a friendship is formed between them both, by this being the case it hopefully will become more of a shock when RACHEL realises that the girl next door is in fact the person she has been confining in all of the time.
Plot Outline, 2
After the slight changes to my plot, it is clear that my plot summery needs to be altered ever so slightly. Both girl characters are seen to have an initial friendship prior to the short film, with this in mind it gives the chance for the girl’s relationship to develop and for the events that take place not to be so sudden and suspicious as well as predictable. As the short film develops, similarly does the friendship. The girls are seen talking to each other via the computer numerous times, different times in the day and different days in the year. It becomes clear from the beginning that the character Jayney is planning to move house, coincidently a “stranger” moves next door to Rachel on Christmas Day.
Completely oblivious that the girls are in fact in very close proximities to each other, they continue to talk over the computer. After a prior discussion with regards to the girl that has moved next door to Rachel, Rachel continues to slate her as a person in a negative manor. It then doesn’t take much initiative to realise that Rachel is in fact referring to the girl she has become extremely close to. With this in mind, audiences are then left with the question as to weather Rachel does in fact own up to Jayney Ray for what she has done. By having a cliff hanger ending, I am hoping this will be affective in the terms that audiences can create a justifiable opinion on both characters and conclude the ending in the ways they so desire. By doing this, it will leave room for debates and different possible outcomes.
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